Only Yourself, Lord

The bells are ringing! The bells are ringing!

2011-07-03T04:41:00.002-05:00

A couple days ago, I was praying in the chapel, before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. As I was praying, the Lord lifted the veil from my eyes for just about a half a second, and showed me His glory.

When you have few experiences of certain things, you tend to remember each event quite clearly. When you have more experiences, then you remember each of them less and less. When I was discerning the Lord’s call for me to His holy Catholic Church, I remember the first several Masses quite clearly; now I can only picture a handful in my mind.

Let me tell you about the first time I went to St. Mary Cathedral in Austin.

This Mass was important to me in several ways.

This was the first Mass I went to in Austin.

This Mass was the first Mass I went to, with full knowledge that I wanted to be in full communion with the Catholic Church.

This was the first Mass where I heard sacred Church music in the context of the Church.

This Mass, was just on an ordinary Sunday. No feast day, no solemnity. Yet, it was most profound to me. During the Consecration of the species to become the Body and Blood of Christ, there were these bells that were ringing. And I don’t mean just the bells the altar servers shake in the sanctuary. I mean the belfry, the bell tower roared to life! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Over and over again, across downtown you can hear it! And I was there, as if I was taken up to the third heaven, in the presence of God and His holy Angels.

The bells, the smells, the sights and sounds. The prayers, the songs lifted up my human soul to the depths of God. Although, at the time I could not describe it, now I can adequately describe what happened that day.

Can you imagine it? The bells were there to announce the Kingdom of Heaven! They tell us, “Alleluia! For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth! The kingdom of this world is become the kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever!”

I wonder people outside must think we’re crazy. Why are they ringing the bells at 12:51pm? They must have their clocks off!

Such an image reminds me of a scene in the Lord of the Rings. When Aragorn King rode with his knights and men into Mordor, the trumpets sounded and the Lords announced, “The Lords of Gondor is come! Let all leave this land or yield them up!”

Yes, the Lord is come. Let sin leave this land. Let death and darkness leave this land. Let the Lord reign.

Sing, o city of Austin. Sing, all ye people living in the slavery of sin. The Lord is come, at last! The King comes to you! Lowly and humble, hidden in majesty!

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Spirit. Amen.

Meeting the Mother of God V: How Mary showed me the Son

2011-05-27T23:30:00.001-05:00

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and the hour of our death. Amen.

About a year ago, I was in Austin, TX for college graduations. It was a long day, but the night was longer still. I couldn’t fall asleep on the hard floor. To fall asleep, I starting praying the Rosary, hoping the rhythm would soothe and calm my soul. How mistaken I was to think that praying the Rosary would make me sleepy!

It only woke me up further. As it was a Friday for that morning, I meditated on the Sorrowful Mysteries. In the deep mystery of prayer, I came to understand the Lord’s Passion so intimately. As I contemplated Christ taking up His cross, I saw myself taking up a cross. I saw my back bent down, my eyes focused on my path. Then, like a spark of light, I remember the Lord saying, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

But to me, it wasn’t so much that I was carrying the cross. It was Christ himself, carrying the cross for me. I was only Simon of Cyrene. Christ was doing the heavy lifting. Tears fell from my face. Christ, who in His Holy Passion, suffered for me, is still lifting my cross and calling me closer to Him and his Sacred Heart.

I didn’t sleep that night. Such a revelation was too much for me to fall asleep after that. I looked at my cell phone. It read 5:03. I got up, got dressed, and left the apartment, and went downtown, where the Cathedral held daily Mass that morning.

This is why I love Mary, the Mother of God. Through her, I have come to know Christ in such a deeper and intimate level. Through her, I have come to know the Church, which is Christ’s body. Through her, I have come to know the Holy Trinity and the family of God.

Many Christians often ask why should they pray to Mary to intercede for them when they can go straight to Christ. For many well-intentioned Christians, to pray to Mary would mean to detract from the glory of Christ. For a time, I thought like that too. But now I have come to know, we come to know Christ better through the people He loves and the people who loves Him. And this is why I pray to Mary: because she leads me closer to Christ. “Do whatever He tells you.” The Blessed Virgin always point us to her Son.

Catholics pray that Mary would show them her Son. One of my friends, Peter, suggested that I pray that Christ would show me His Mother. I did that. And I have no regrets.

Take my hand, Mary, holy Mother. Take me, and draw me close to your Son. I want to be with you and your Son. Holy Mother of God, pray for me, a sinner, now and in the hour of my death. Amen.

Came to My Rescue

2011-05-24T18:53:00.008-05:00

Today, as I was driving home from a long day of work, I decided to stop by Prince of Peace Catholic Community to spend some time with the Lord. I wanted to thank Him of the many graces I have received.

I walked in, genuflected on both knees, and knelt down on the third pew from the front, of the right side of the nave. After spending about two minutes in prayer, I sat down and closed my eyes. Scarcely five seconds had pass, and behold, a great brightness came upon me. Bewildered, I open my eyes, half expecting the Angel of the Lord. But lo, it was only the sunlight from the window.

Amazed, I knelt again and asked God what did He want from me?

A sense of calm was poured into my heart. A sense of peace was waving into my soul. I felt as if Jesus, our Christ, told me, "I'm proud of you, Daniel."

God is continually captivating my heart, my soul, and my mind. Here I am, Lord. Send me. Can there be any love so amazing as this?

Falling on my knees in worship,

Giving all I am to seek Your Face,
Lord all I am is yours.

My whole life
I place in your hands.
God of Mercy,
Humbled, I bow down
In Your presence at Your Throne.

I called. You answered.
And You came to my rescue and I,
I want to be where You are.

Meeting the Mother of God IV.5

2010-10-26T00:01:00.000-05:00

Meeting the Mother of God IV: Marian Dogmas and Devotions

2010-07-07T01:40:00.001-05:00

During the summer while I was in Washington, DC. I remember going through the art galleries. Somehow, I always thought to myself, why do the Madonna paintings always seem to put Mary, instead of the Christ child at the center of attention? Shouldn’t Jesus be the one whom we fix our eyes on?

All these doctrines and devotions to the Virgin Mother, some of them sound pretty excessive. Allow me to quote to you de Ligouri:

Shall we scruple to ask her to save us, when “the way to salvation is open to none otherwise than through Mary.”

“Many things,” says Nicephorus, “are asked from God, and are not granted: they are asked from Mary, and are obtained.”

At the commands of Mary all obey—even God.”

How shall I resolve this internal cognitive dissonance?

Let me tell you this story:

“You mean I have to believe in all these doctrines to be a good faithful Catholic?” I wondered to myself when the RCIA class was learning about the communion of saints, the Angels, and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

For example, the dogma of Mary’s bodily assumption into heaven, at best, only spoken of metaphorically in the Scriptures (Rev. xii 1-6). On face-value, the doctrine definitely looks repugnant to the Scriptures.

The Immaculate Conception: the dogma that Mary was conceived without original sin and that she is sinless. Scripture seems to also point in the other direction (Rom. 3:23).

I was still learning how to be Catholic at that time. I was also learning how to read Scriptures again. I had remind myself that the Epistles were written mainly to sort out disputes, encourage and exhort the Christian faithful. It was not written to contain all the doctrines necessary for the faith of the Church. Allow me to digress. When the Apostles preached the Gospel, they handed over the living faith to the believers. Then they arranged the worship, the other doctrines and practices to the Church. That’s why St. Paul says, “Hold fast to the traditions I have handed over to you.” Part of these traditions are ones about Mary. You can also find references in the Scriptures about the Marian dogmas as well. You see, it’s not Scripture alone, neither is it Tradition alone.

I think by that time I already implicitly accepted the dogmas; I just needed reasons for doing so. My reason for joining the Catholic Church, which is another blog in of itself, is for the unity of the Church. It’s about submitting to the rightful interpreter of the Holy Scriptures and preacher of the Gospel. So here I was, thinking again that my 22 year old self knew more than the 2,000 year old Catholic Church.

As I was going through the arguments with the Marian doctrines with my sponsor, Dr. Budziszewski, a sort of lightbulb suddenly lit in my mind, except it wasn’t my own idea. I swear to you, the thought just popped into my mind, and I just blurted out the questions, “Why all these dogmas? Why does the Church has to pronounce these doctrines on Mary rather than just focusing on Christ alone? I mean, what do these doctrines do to help us come closer to Christ?” And that’s it! That’s what these doctrines are for. They help us come closer to Christ. The purpose of understanding Mary is to understand Christ.

And that’s how one should see the theology of the Church. Every theological doctrine the Catholic Church holds fast to is Christological in nature. They point us to Christ. And next time, the last installment of this series will be on exactly how Mary has helped me come closer to Christ.

This is why I've been absent.

2010-07-06T01:36:00.000-05:00

Meeting the Mother of God, Part III: Defending Mary

2010-06-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

By the fall semester of my senior year in college, I decided I was going to be received into the Catholic Church at the Great Vigil of Easter 2009. At the time I still had some qualms about the place of Mary in the Church. Catholics don't worship Mary, but why do they show her so much devotion? If you can pray to Jesus, where's the need to ask Mary for her intercessions?

One weekend, I visited my parents' church. By that time, I already made my decision. I attended the English-speaking service there. While I was listening, the speaker Carl made this claim, "You guys, we have a whole religion of Roman Catholicism that worships Mary." Interesting, I thought. Let's talk to him afterward.

After the service, I asked him about it, and informed him that Catholics don't worship Mary. Carl said, "Oh yes they do. I am a former Catholic." That definitely disoriented me. Huh? Okay, maybe I need to do my research further on the Catholic Church.

We had a little talk, about praying to Mary and he made the claim that prayer is worship, therefore, praying to Mary is worshiping her. We didn't have much time to talk, but he asked for my e-mail address so that we could dialogue further on what Catholics believe.

A couple months later, Carl e-mailed me on Mary, citing Vatican II documents and the Catechism.

I tried replying as charitably as I could. At this point, several e-mails have been exchanged. And I was already received and confirmed in the Catholic Church. I began to suspect that Carl's intention in our e-mail conversations were not to understand what Catholics believe, but to show me that I am in error. I told him, "I don't know if the purpose of your e-mails is to call me back into the Protestant fold or for your own understanding of the Catholic faith. If it is to re-convert me, please do stop. I am firm in my decision, the Catholic Church has been as the source and summit of my walk in Christ through the Holy Communion. I was received into the Church this past Easter. If it is to come to a better understanding of what Catholics believe, I would then be delighted to continue our conversation."

His response was uncharitable as it was ill-informed, "it is my firm conviction to help those who have been deceived by other religions. You talk so highly about the Roman Catholic Church... I am concerned for your soul, not your affiliation with another church over your church... I pray that you are truly saved, but an exaltation of a person or persons to the same degree as Christ will not save. We must worship and follow Jesus the Jew, the Messiah that came and saved us."

As it was explained in previous blogs, Catholics have devotions to the Mother of God, but we do not worship her. We do not give her total homage of who we are.

When we make statements of offense, to break down arguments, it causes the other side to come to the defense of what they consider good, sacred, or true. Carl’s last e-mail placed me on the fast-track to my relationship with the Virgin Mother: by looking up arguments in support of Marian doctrines, by praying with her and through her to the Gate of Life, in meditating upon her role in God’s plan of salvation. And Carl’s e-mail was what pushed me into loving Mary more.

Next week: Marian Devotions

Meeting the Mother of God, Part II: Mary and Worship

2010-06-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

The summer after my sophomore year, before I left for Scotland, my sister Tammy and Dad and I were eating Dim-Sum. I quietly said, “I’ve been thinking about Catholicism.”

Dad said, “Một điều về người Công giáo là họ thờ thần tượng.”

“No they don’t,” I objected right away. “They don’t worship idols.”

I supposed my Dad was keen on not getting into a debate or argument with me, so he brushed off my interest by saying I’m probably interested in Catholicism because of some girl.

Now that ticked me off a bit more, to say that my spiritual and intellectual pursuits were motivated by base passions. I didn’t reply to what he said.

But statues and idols. Dad did have a good point. If you ask me, I never thought Catholics worship idols. Never. Maybe because I never saw Catholics parading around with statues of Mary and throwing garlands around her, or that I never saw them bowing down and kissing the statues that I never thought them worshiping the statues.

When I was in Sunday School, somewhere in elementary school, the teacher explained that Catholics pray to Mary and she prays to Jesus. In the evangelical mind, prayer and daily devotions is probably the most spiritual thing you can do. Coming to know Jesus as one’s personal Lord and Saviour effects one’s salvation. So we thought, “If we can pray to Jesus, why do we need to go to Mary in the first place?” I guessed the matter was framed as a salvation question. Catholics pray to Mary so they could get saved. We pray to Jesus so that we could saved. We just streamlined the process.

That lesson in Sunday school is probably the few times in my childhood I learned about Catholicism. Notice there was something I didn’t learn. I didn’t learn that Catholics worship Mary. So when I came to mature later in my walk with God, I did not see Catholics as Mary-worshippers.

So when I was in Dr. Budziszewski’s office in my sophomore year, his explanation of the different attitudes of reverence and worship made sense to me. Soli Deo Gloria. To God alone be the glory. Only God is given worship. All others, saints, etc. are only given reverence and veneration. That was a very Oriental outlook to me. Filial piety. Respect for one’s own parents and ancestors. Very American too. We honor the fallen soldiers, the national leaders in great times of crisis. No one would claim we worship Lincoln or Washington because we built monuments and memorials for them.

Back to Dad. The Ten Commandments puts an injunction for the Israelites: “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them.” Quite clear to me. And yet, what is an idol? Are photographs included? How bout videos? They’re images too. Not a couple chapters later do we see God commanding the Israelites to make an statues of Cherubim for the Ark of the Covenant. In my mind, I thought, if Catholics don’t think they are worshiping idols, then they probably aren’t. If one subjectively think he’s withholding the total devotion of his self, then there must be something else going on here. Maybe a cultural difference of honor and veneration.

Although, there is room for error. One could think he doesn’t worship Money, but in fact slaves away his life to the devotion of Money. Do Catholics do that? Do they put all their hope, all their trust, their life in the hands of Mary? Well, in the sense I used the first example of money, no. But for now on, as I explored Catholicism further on, I worked from the assumption of charity: give the Catholic the benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn’t worship Mary. But let’s see how these strange forms of devotion make sense with this.

A couple years later, I was in RCIA. I had a chat with my Deacon and his wife about Mary and worship. The Deacon’s wife was a bit steamed about accusations of Catholics worshiping Mary, so she said, “There is a very well known Protestant who loved Mary very much. He prayed to her daily. His name is Martin Luther.” Well. That put a stopper to my thoughts. The Deacon was gentler, “No, we don’t worship Mary. In fact, we kick people out of the Church for doing that. They’re called pagans.”

I came to know the Deacon and his wife on a personal level by then. The kindness they showed me secured my trust and respect in what they had to say. It kept me to graciously accept their arguments, critically examine them, yet still in charity. That Catholics don’t worship Mary I began to assent to. I’ll tell you more next time about what sped the process up.

Meeting the Mother of God, Part I

2010-06-04T06:00:00.002-05:00

This is the first in a five-part series on my personal encounter and relationship with the Mother of God.

When I was younger, I only thought of the Virgin Mary here and there. She didn’t really stand out in the Bible as other people did. First, people like David, Moses and Daniel were more active, more prominent in my eyes. Second, being a guy, I didn’t really pay attention to women of faith in the Scriptures. Third and last, bluntly said, Mary just doesn’t stand out in the Bible; you don’t see her doing anything glorious, anything that shows glory like Deborah or the wicked Jezebel. I’ll comment on that later on in my story.

A lot of time, Catholics don’t realize how hard it is for other Christians of Protestant traditions to swallow Marian dogma, doctrines, and devotions. Very hard for me to swallow. Here’s my account of how I eventually did. The stories will contain holes, due to space, due to my inability to remember every detail. One day, the Holy Spirit will remind me of that little, tiny, detail that made all the difference to the story’s conclusion. I’ll tell you more about that in the life of the world to come. : ) For now, please do forgive me, if I left out the part you played, or made it hard to understand the psychology of my journey.

Where to begin? Let’s start in March 26, 1998. I was only eleven years old. My sister Tammy and I were at St. Luke’s hospital. My little sister was about to be born that night. Tammy and I were in the waiting room. There was a Hispanic couple there. Being arrogant as I probably am today, I asked them if they were Catholics. They affirmed so. Then I went to challenge them on the doctrine of Mary being the Mother of God. Boy, would you look at that, an eleven year old boy thinks he knows more than the whole two-thousand year old Catholic Church, thinks Catholics are in error for saying that God has a mother. The Hispanic couple was polite. They tried to explain that Mary is the mother of Jesus, and Jesus is God, therefore, Mary is the mother of God. My eleven-year-old mind could not understand it. How can a human give birth to God? God is eternal, Mary isn’t.

Fast forward to spring 2008, my junior year, I spent some time reading Pope Benedict XVI’s Encyclical Spe Salvi, “In Hope We are Saved.” At the end of the letter, Benedict spoke of Mary, the star of hope, the one who guides us to hope. I didn’t finish reading that part. Call me close-minded, but I just thought to myself, “oh, that’s just Catholic speak,” so I just skipped that part.

A couple days later, I went to see my old professor, Dr. B. I told him I read Spe Salvi. Then I told him about my concerns on Mary toward the end. I didn’t verbalize it, and I still don’t think I can today. It was just an uneasy feeling. Let me try my best here: The Catholic Church emphasizes on the unity of all Christians under one roof, namely, the Catholic Church. Why put a foot down on divisive Marian doctrines like the fact that she was conceived without sin or that she went to Heaven (both body and soul) or calling her with these fancy titles like Mother of God or Holy Queen of Heaven? Would not more Christians be united if it were not for these doctrines?

Dr. Budziszewski explained to me what “Mother of God” meant. Its meaning was to affirm the divinity of Christ. Jesus is both fully God and fully Man. Budziszewski knew what I was thinking already. “It does not mean that Mary gave Jesus His divine nature,” he said. In the same way a mother doesn’t give her child his soul.

My objection? Well, “Mother of God” is misleading. Perhaps, the professor thought, but it's a misunderstanding the Catholic Church can deal with. I don’t think fast on my feet, so I brought up other objections, titles like Redemptrix or Mediatrix. This one Professor B. agreed with me. In the English language, it would sound like Mary is equal to the Son by being a co-mediator or co-redeemer.

I wasn’t looking for an argument when I stepped into Dr. B’s office, but he said, “I didn’t bring this up; you did, but I tried explaining the best I could the Catholic Church’s teachings.”

Fine with me. I had to go. Running late for the next class. So I said my good-byes and left.

Forgiving others

2010-05-01T07:42:00.004-05:00

When a friend hurts his friend, it causes a chasm between them. The sacred trust in the bond of love is no longer there. Nearly all actions are marked with suspicion and doubt. And forgiveness. Forgiveness requires not just canceling debts, it calls for a restoration of the relationship. And that's something I find impossible to do at times. See, with an enemy, you can just call a truce or agree to a prisoner exchange. For a friend, you're expected to not only surrender, but also to trade and sing the same patriotic songs with them as well. Maybe that's why the Reconstruction left a terrible taste to the South.

You know I love the Lord of the Rings, so let me quote to you what Frodo says at the end of the trilogy: "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold." Frodo Baggins describes exactly how I'm feeling right now. Some friends' actions seem like betrayal, malice, neglect, etc. Maybe to the point where I just don't want to see their faces anymore. Maybe to the point where I wouldn't even pay my last respects to their funerals. Okay, I'm overreacting here. But sometimes, do you ever question whether it's morally justifiable to break, intentionally, a friendship because it's too hard to love in return, too hard to forgive for the mistakes made, and too hard to give unconditionally?

Didn't Christ command us to love them though, even our enemies? Yes, Jesus did ask us to love, and he showed us how. When I think of my friends' mistakes against me, it angers me, upsets me, but when I then turn to Christ, to his Cross, it puts things into perspective. Peter's absence wasn't just cowardice; it was betrayal. He didn't just shied away from the scene, he denied Him. And yet, Jesus said to him, "take care of my sheep."

Dear Lord, grant me the grace to forgive my friends, to love them, and keep on praying for them. Purge me of the anger and resentment I have left of my hurts and heal my broken heart. Amen.

St. John, patron of friendships, pray for me.

"The Church always looks better from the inside."

2010-03-22T07:25:00.001-05:00

About exactly a year ago, after Stations of the Cross, on Friday, a couple friends and I went out for drinks. We ended up going to Dulce Vita, a little place that serves gelato. Ok.. nevermind the details, I just wanted to orient you to setting.

Michael and I were both candidates at the time, ready to be received into full communion with the Catholic Church. We were with Janice and Janet, both already in full communion with the Church. Janice said something very profound that night, something I won't ever forget.

She mentioned a saint, some person's name I don't recall, said that if you look at the Cathedral, it looks quite ugly and horrific on the outside, with dark and foreboding windows, (at least to that effect). But when you come inside, you see the light shining through the stained glass windows, the beauty of the architecture, the reverence of the lay faithful. It's the same way with the Mystical Body of Christ. On the outside, the Catholic Church looks quite strange and foreboding, but there's a difference in perspective when you're in the inside.

Coincidentally, or not, a good friend of mine and I went out for burgers yesterday. He mentioned visiting a historic Catholic church in New Orleans. "It didn't live up to its expectations. You could see the rust coming down from the windows and it's unfortunate that we were unable to come inside to take a look."

To that I remarked, "The Church always looks better from the inside." I wasn't joking and I wasn't speaking just literally either.

St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in his Eucharistic Hymn, Pange Lingua, usually sung on Holy Thursday,

Very bread his Flesh to be;
Man in wine Christ's Blood partaketh:
And if senses fail to see,
Faith alone the true heart waketh
To behold the mystery.

Yes, precisely that. Only the eyes of faith show the gates of the Church. In order to understand the simple truths the Church teaches, in order to see Light, there are some things you just gotta take as an assumption for it to work. Faith alone, sola fide, opens the Door. Come on in, "come and see," "taste and see," the Church always looks better from the inside.

Dream I Had: Saying Mass

2010-02-28T02:15:00.001-06:00

I had a really unusual dream last night. I was celebrating High Solemn Mass in Latin at Westminster Cathedral in London.

When I woke up and remembered what I had dreamed, I kept saying to myself... "Not a sign, not a sign!"

Journal Reflection

2010-02-28T01:45:00.002-06:00

I wrote this journal reflection after praying the Rosary at St. Mary Cathedral this past Tuesday. Hope it's not too personal for y'all.

February 23, 2010 Tuesday
First week of Lent, Feast of St. Polycarp

...Though my eyes see with discernment You have given me, who can dare gaze upon Your Face and Your mighty arms of holy love, yet You have revealed Your Love, Yourself, Your Face to us, Lord. You gave us the picture of Your love when You leapt down from heaven and grabbed my flailing arms, mired in sin and dirt, and You washed me by Your water and Your Spirit. You anointed my head with sweet fragrant oil and You took me to Your table, put me at Your right hand and bade me to eat Your Most Holy Body. And though I kept running away from Your table, as a child would run when he is filled, still You called me, bid me tender and wiped my face by the sweat of Your brow. You did take care of me, O God, and I cared not. Teach me then, to love You, to draw near each day to You and to cherish You in my heart, as You cherish me in Yours.

For Alex

2010-02-17T01:23:00.002-06:00

Today, I want to talk about my friend Alex. In elementary school, Alex was my best friend. He’s the kind of guy who’s one of the cooler kids in the class, but hangs out with everyone, including the dorkier ones, like me. Why do I say that I’m one of the more nerdy and dorky kids? When you’re in kindergarten or first grade with glasses, still with an unsure grasp of English, pants that flood, and sometimes socks that don’t match, well.. you get the picture.

Allow me recount some stories about Alex:

Character:

Alex is a selfless person. Why do I say that? Well, he shared his toys with everyone. Back in first grade, Power Rangers was a huge deal. And of course, Power Ranger toys were the thing to have back then. And he shared his Power Ranger toys, the Putty-men and the other Rangers. It makes me smile when I think of it.

Thoughtful:
Alex is a person of deep reflection. One of the things I distinctly remember was a conversation I had with Alex in the lunch line, in the cafeteria. We were in first grade. Alex and I were talking about God. We were speculating on His nature, whether or not God exists, etc. Now of course Alex and I didn’t talk like theologians and philosophers; we had to use the terms and language we were familiar with in order to convey those ideas. So Alex said, “God isn’t just here or there,”pointing in different directions, “but He’s everywhere.” I don’t know what it was, but it made a deep impression upon me. I think you can see now where my inquisitive nature and the reason why I like to reflect upon things come from.

Artistic:
What other cool things about Alex can I say? He’s a great artist. Alex, do you remember the Top Dawg pictures you drew? I wish I still had that copy of the one you gave me after we left Carmichael Elementary. And I suppose that in itself made another impact on me. I rarely throw away anything given by a friend. Which is another reason why my room is so cluttered with miscellaneous things.

Here is a boy, now he’s a man, of an outstanding character, of deep reflection, and of an amazing artistic talent. Needless to say, Alex and I played together in recess, sat next to each other in class, (4^th grade, Ms. Pedigree's), and shared ideas with each other. It took me years to learn what it means to be a good friend, and it will take me many more years to be a good friend, but at least I got a good example of such a friend so early in my life.

With my life, I promise, I will be praying for you, Alex. Maybe one day we can meet again and catch-up from where we left off.

Dream I Had: I am Your servant, Lord, I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid.

2010-02-17T01:22:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, last week.

I had the most wonderful dream ever! And, I'll tell you, I usually remember my dreams, and there has been some pretty wild ones out there.

I at adoration one evening at a church. For my non-Catholic Christian friends and readers, adoration is an event where you adore Christ in the exposition of His Eucharistic Body. In the most mystical experience, I felt the urge not only to kneel before Christ, but to lay myself flat down before Him. So I laid myself prostrate before God. It was in the evening and the walls of the church darkened.

And I continued lying there, praying, and begging the Lord to reveal Himself to me. And I was there for until I fell asleep. When I awoke in my sleep, the priest, Father Albert, admonished me for leaving the Body of Christ unattended. And then I told him about how I was in adoration before, and asked for his forgiveness and pardon. So then he told me, "Your faith has been sanctified." I don't know what that means, but when I went back to sleep in my dream, I was able to sleep peacefully after that.

True Beauty II

2010-02-14T03:48:00.001-06:00

Life as a bookseller, or at least this bookseller, gives me little time to read any books, at least to the extent I'd like to read.

One of my favorite poems ended with these particular lines, thought-provoking, yet peaceful, calming, a fresh breeze of air.

Here my exalted vision lost its power.
But now my will and my desire, like wheels revolving
with an even motion, were turning with
the Love that moves the sun and all the other stars.

--Dante Alighieri, Paradiso, Canto XXXIII, 143-145

For those of you who don't know my favorite epic poem, Dante's Comedy stands out among all others. I have searched for beauty, for love, for happiness. Now I, like Dante, have found it. Found it I have, but like many others on the journey, we only know we've came a bit later than what we have liked.

So late have I found it. Augustine of Hippo says it better than me. Let me remind you of my first love. Here's what he said:

Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved Thee!

For behold Thou wert within me, and I outside; and I sought Thee outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things that Thou hast made. Thou wert with me and I was not with Thee. I was kept from Thee by those things, yet had they not been in Thee, they would not been at all.

Thou didst call and cry to me and break open my deafness:

and Thou didst send forth Thy beams and shine upon me and chase away my blindness:

Thou didst breathe fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and do now pant for Thee:

I tasted Thee, and now hunger and thirst for Thee:

Thou didst touched me, and I have burned for Thy peace.

--St. Augustine, Confessions, Book Ten, XXVIII

Editor's note: For the relationship between fire, rest and peace, see XIII.9.10. It is appropriate that what is arguably the most beatiful passage of the Confessions is a summary of the effects of Divine Beauty on Augustine's soul. The earlier tension between spirit and flesh is dissolved in the higher eros of love for God, while the five bodily senses now act as lenses into the supernatural object of our longing.

My Point Exactly! II

2010-02-10T03:52:00.004-06:00

For Diem

2010-02-10T03:16:00.007-06:00

Diem is probably the first girl I met in my class. Or at least the first one I remember. I met her in first grade. She and this other girl, (named Danielle, and that’s the only thing I remember about her) were the only Asian girls in the class.

What’s your favorite memory of her?
We were at the neighborhood swimming pool. We were in first grade, or around there, at the time. And I think she thought that I didn’t know how to hold my breath underwater. So she proceeded to teach me. I guess I was being a gentleman, and went along with it. So she told me to take my hand and pinch my nose and hold it while I go underwater. Then she said, “Ready, 1, 2, 3!” And being me of course, I went underwater without holding my nose, just to show her I know how to hold my breath.

Most awkward moment?
Fourth grade, we were in homeroom. It was morning before classes. So I went to sit next to her. Then this black kid came up and sat next to us and asked us, “Are y’all boyfriend and girlfriend?” And I said, “No, we’re just friends.” He didn’t believe me; he asked the same question to her. And she said, “Nope, we’re friends.”

What do you see her doing in 10 years?
Anything but nail and beauty salons. I remember back in middle school, my mom used to work at my aunt’s retail store that sells nail beauty products and supplies for other stores. Then one day, I remember her coming in. Based on this observation, her family is probably involved in the beauty industry, and I can’t imagine her taking it on.

Anything else?
Diem is one of the nicest girls I’ve met in elementary school. From the times playing during recess to participating in other activities at school, it was a blast. And I’m thankful I still hold the memories.

Frodo the Nine-Fingered and Samwise the Brave

2010-02-05T02:53:00.003-06:00

Listen to this song while you read:

I love watching epic movies, and my favorite movie series is the Lord of the Rings. The Lord of the Rings speaks to me as a person. It portrays courage in the face of adversity, friendship in the pit of the Enemy, love in the jaws of death.

I love JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings so much because it follows that same tradition of literature: the epic journey. We're all on a journey, aren't we? We all have that same one destination toward happiness, don't we? We are Odysseus in the Odyssey, Aeneas in the Aeneid, and Dante in his Comedy. And the best one of them all: Jesus on the way to His Cross. For me, it's the Lord of the Rings: Frodo to Mount Doom.

I see my in Frodo Baggins: small, weak, afraid, perhaps destined for great things, but still unsure. And yet, in the stillness, the center of the storm, the silence comes. Where art thou, o Friend of old?

One of my good friends from high school actually saw me as Samwise Gamgee. That is very comforting. "It's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know me?" There are countless scenes in the movie where I could say, "Man, if I had a friend like that..." But you know what? I do have a friend like that. A friend who sticks closer than a brother. I talk to him, I see her, I share stories with them. This Friend lives in all my friends. My future series on my friends will be precisely on that. And I hope you see the good things that have helped changed my life because of what you have done.

Oh yea, following below is one of my favorite scenes. I would be lying if I denied that I didn't shed tears at this scene sometimes. Unfortunately, the embedding is disallowed. So here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOmtjCfuRvc

Oh yea, in other unrelated news: the word "unfriend" is now in the Oxford English Dictionary. What a shame..

For Johnny

2010-02-03T02:23:00.002-06:00

In elementary school, there are two guys who were my best friends. And, I’m proud to say, they’re still my friends today. I’m going to write about them in the order I met them.

Johnny and I were friends since, literally, the first week of school. We met in pre-kindergarten. Johnny was also, by pure coincidence, is a Roman Catholic. Growing up in a Protestant home, I only heard of the things they do, such as praying/worshipping Mary and other idols. Well, in my view at the time, at least they still got Jesus, so it couldn’t be as bad as the other religions.

I guess it was my friendship with Johnny that always prevented me from becoming a full-on anti-Catholic. And looking back, it was my friendships with worshippers of other faiths throughout my life that kept me from being uncharitable toward their religion. As early at the age of 8, I was already exploring what other religions taught. But before I get into that, this post is about Johnny.

One of the most ridiculous memories I have of Johnny was him making a clown out of himself; and a particular memory of pre-k stand out as he placed a toy on his head as a hat. He made look cool to be the class clown. He was the equalizer in the class. There wasn’t anyone in the class too cool or too socially awkward for him to be friends with. This particular gift of self-deprecation, it seems to me, allowed for our friendship to be restored after its estrangement.

As a rule, my series on my friends will be nothing but positive things about them. Last August, my sister took me to visit the University of Houston campus. As I went to see some old friends, like Kristine and Chris, they invited me to come to Mass with them at the UH Catholic Newman Center. I obliged.

Johnny and I hadn’t seen each other since 7th grade. We were enemies at the time. And I mean the full sense of the word enemy. It’s part of the reason why I went to alternative school, but I won’t tell you about that now, that’s another story. Over nine long years before Johnny and I were reconciled again, and you know why it was possible? I’ll tell you why.

In literature, when you see people eating together, it shows a pretty big deal. Because when people are breaking bread, it means they’re not busy breaking heads. So, as I pretty much expected, Johnny was at the Mass too. And there was no way, absolutely no way, I could have gone to receive Christ in the Eucharist at the Holy Mass with a grudge on the side. “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Another thing, small thing, I would like to point out is: during the intercession, one of the staff workers at the Newman Center asked for prayers for the recent late Ted Kennedy. And in my mind revolted! Prayer for him! But that’s what we’re supposed to do isn’t it. Pray for your enemies. That day, it was an uneventful day for me mostly, but it was probably one of the most grace-filled days as it re-oriented me to see where I am and where I am not. Again, that’s another blog to be written.

For me to be friends with Johnny again, it’s an honor. For me to be in the Catholic family with Johnny, it’s a grace.

Only Yourself, Lord

2010-01-23T07:35:00.001-06:00

Over the past summer, I read this book by Peter Kreeft called Three Philosophies of Life: Ecclesiastes: Life as Vanity, Job: Life as Suffering, Song of Songs: Life as Love.

One of my most adored passages in the book inspired me as I read what it means to deal with the problem of God. You see, that God exists presents a big problem. It's probably even bigger than the notion that evil exists.

The problem of God in the Job isn't whether or not God exists. Only atheists or agnostics would have that problem. It's not about who or what God is in Himself. Only philosophers or theologians would have that problem. The problem is this: Who is God to me? What difference does He makes in MY life? Where the heck are YOU, O GOD?

The previous sentences may sound like borderline blasphemy to the audience. But it is truthfully said, "God, where are you in my life?" The lived life and its testament tells us this: God exists, but we now know this, He's not here. He doesn't care for us. He has abandoned us.

And for a long time, that resonates with me. I call out to You, but You don't answer me. Job even claims that if Job was in a fair law suit against God, he would win! But, since God is omnipotent, God would win, he would win not because He's right, but because He is powerful. And to me, that strikes me as a tyrannical God. One who is no loving Father, only a taskmaster.

Job, in his agony, still holds faith and hope in this seemingly tyrannical God, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him." (Job 13:15). Wow. What kind of faith is that? I think I know why Job answered it that way. I know now. Because to hear of God, to have Him punish you, is better than for Him to abandon you. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

But in the end, it wasn't the pious and orthodox friends who God approved of. It was Job. God said Job spoke truthfully. Job sticks to God. He keeps his passion, his fire, his intimacy. His words do not accurately reflect God's image, but they reflect his heart. And that's what counts. You gotta be true to yourself. Who cares what others think? Who cares if you got the right words down or not? (Here I interject, I care, but I care only to its own extent).

This is why Job questions God the way he does. To be in a relationship with an infinite being, means to be in an infinite relationship with Him. It's everything or nothing. You can't be lukewarm with God. You can't have this "Jesus is my homeboy" mentality. And Job feels let down. He thinks that God didn't come through on His end of the bargain. And for Job, that means that God is nothing. "Job stays married to God and throws dishes at him." His three friends are just roommates with God. The family that fights together, stays together.

The most important lesson in Job is the practice of the presence of God. That's why it's so important for Catholics to go to daily Mass, to attend adoration, to fall on your knees before the Almighty God, hidden beneath the veils of the Blessed Sacrament. And that's why it's so important for Christians to be in the living relationship with Christ, to keep their spiritual practices of prayer, daily meditation and spiritual songs.

Job finally answers in the end, "I have heard of You with the hearing of my ears, but now my eye sees You." This is the most important verse in Job. This is the solution to the problem. This is the answer to every longing heart's question. To know God is better than to hear of Him. Let me say that again, To know God is better than to hear of Him.

Let's say you have a boyfriend in some distant country. He write letters, and you read his love-letters. They are all well and good. But to see his face, to be held in his embrace is infinitely better than hearing of him and of his work. You will have no more questions after you get this Answer. Your soul, your life, you, will be contented and satisfied. No, even more than that, you will overflow with joy and an abundance of life. I know, because it happened to me. I know, because even though times like these suck, it's not so much that I'm holding on to God, it's Him holding me.

So I leave with my favorite passage from Peter Kreeft's book:

"The greatest question ever asked and the greatest answer ever given, in my opinion, are in an incident near the end of the life of Saint Thomas Aquinas. Thomas was alone in the chapel, he thought (but his friend Reginald was watching and swore under oath that he saw and heard these events), and praying before the altar. A voice came from the mouth of Christ on the crucifix: "You have written well of me, Thomas. What will you have as a reward?"

"It is the same question with which Jesus began his public ministry, "What do you want?" (Jn 1:38).

"And the equally great answer Thomas gave to God, the answer that puts a lump in my throat and a bird in my heart every time I say it, was, "Only Yourself, Lord." The theologian who found thousands of answers--more answers, and more adequate answers, than any other theologian in history--wants only one thing, "the one thing needful" that Mary wanted and Jesus wanted Martha to want, (Lk 10:42): Himself.

"That is why even Job is satisfied. He did not get what he thought he wanted, but he got what he really wanted. He did not get what his head and his consciousness thought they wanted, but he got what his heart and his deep unconscious knew they wanted, the thing we all want. We cannot help it: God made us that way. Only one key fits that lock; only one Romeo satisfies that Juliet. "Deep calls unto deep"--only infinity can marry infinity.

"The Beatific Vision that awaits all believers in Heaven is granted to Job for a moment on earth."

The peace of our Lord, His glorious presence, be with you all. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Amen.

Do Not Be Afraid

2010-01-20T07:14:00.004-06:00

Massachusetts recently voted to elect the pro-abortion Scott Brown for the United States Senate. Although politics usually angers or bores me, this certainly looks like Washington is in for another shake-up. Senator-elect Brown has made health-care his primary issue as he pledged to be the "41st Senator" to vote against the health-care bill.

For those of you who don't keep up with politics, it means that President Obama and the Democrats will suffer a tremendous setback to their agenda as they will fail to implement their signature issue.

Speaking of health-care insurance, and this also seems appropriate as our prayers go out to those suffering in Haiti, especially after the aftershock today, my favorite theologian has this tidbit to say:

"This world of ours is a world of fear: the fear of misery and poverty, the fear of illness and suffering, the fear of solitude, the fear of death. We have in this world a widely developed insurance system; it is good that it exists. But we know that at the moment of deep suffering, at the moment of the ultimate loneliness of death, no insurance policy will be able to protect us. The only valid insurance in those moments is the one that comes to us from the Lord, who also assures us: "Do not fear, I am always with you." We can fall, but in the end we fall into God's hands, and God's hands are good hands."
-Pope Benedict XVI
Homily, December 18, 2005

Also, I plan on doing a blog series profiling all the closest friends I have, from the time I started in elementary school. To meet that criterion, they have been a significant part in my life, or building toward that goal. Let me know what you think. I promise I'll say nothing but good things about you. ;)

The Lord's Baptism

2010-01-10T04:25:00.001-06:00

Today the Latin Rite of the Catholic Church in the United States celebrates the Lord's Baptism.

One of the things that helped open my eyes to the claims of the Church was the clarity and theological depth Joseph Ratzinger has. Now Pope Benedict XVI, his own personal book , Jesus of Nazareth, helped me in my own spiritual walk with Christ, and ultimately, His Church. The rest will be a quotation from Benedict's book on the Lord's Baptism.

Starting with the paragraph on "The actual ritual of Baptism symbolizes this." Too bad the publishers cut out the good part on Eastern iconography. Let me know if you want the missing pages.

Christmas Season

2010-01-10T03:46:00.000-06:00

Today is the last day of the Christmas celebration. Tomorrow we start Ordinary Time until Lent begins. What does that mean? Eat all the meat you can (with moderation, of course) till Ash Wednesday!

What does Christmas mean? Where did it's origins come from? The first Christian celebrations began with Easter, with the Resurrection of our Lord, not His Birth, according to the flesh. Benedict XVI said, "Because of this the most ancient feast of Christianity is not Christmas, but Easter: The resurrection of Christ is at the base of Christian faith; it is at the base of the proclamation of the Gospel and gives birth to the Church. Therefore to be Christians means to live in the mode of Easter, connecting ourselves to the dynamic that comes from baptism, which brings death to sin to live with God (cf. Romans 6:4)."

Hippolytus of Rome first made mentioned that Christ was born on December 25th. The point of the day was more theological rather than historical. Bible scholars recognize that on this day was celebrated the Dedication of the Temple of Jerusalem, instituted by Judas Maccabeus in 164 B.C.. The concurrence of dates would come to mean that with Jesus, appearing as light of God in the night, advent of God to this earth, the consecration of the temple is truly fulfilled.

A lot of people thinks that Christmas came from pagan origins. That may be true, but as the celebrated Calvinist Abraham Kuyper said, "All truth is God's truth." (I'm sure loads others said the same thing, just easy reference). Where there are good things in culture, it belongs to Christianity. Where there are anything admirable, noble, of excellence, it's in the dominion of Christendom.

Benedict XVI explained, "Within Christianity, the feast of Christmas took on a definite form in the fourth century, when it took the place of the Roman feast of “sol invictus,” the invincible sun. Thus was shown that the birth of Christ is the victory of true light over the darkness of evil and sin."

New Year, Renewing Person

2009-12-31T23:59:00.004-06:00

I’ve seen a bunch of blogs going around summing up the biggest lessons learned this year and the goals for the next, so I thought I should sit down and reflect on the things I learned and on the best of times and the worst of times.

Highlights of the year:

April 11, 2009: I was formally received into full communion with Christ’s One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Austin, Texas the Vigil of the Great Easter. It was an amazing and hard journey that culminated in my decision to join the Catholic Church. One chapter has ended, the next has only begun! And it was real blessing to see friends, new and old, there. All ranging from Dr. Budziszewski, and Dr. Koons to Kody Cooper, (unofficial representative for the Witherspoon Fellowship), my roommates, old roommates, high school friends, new freshmen kids, and best friends there. So much grace has been poured upon me ever since. Little did I know, Christ actually means it when he said, “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required.”

May 22, 2009: Graduation Day! College was loads of fun! I’d do it all over again if I had the chance. In fact, I plan on doing it all over again, just for a JD or MA or PhD this time though. This day marked the point upon which I no longer belong to Austin, TX. It took me months more to realize that though. The day was amazing, from everyone (and I literally mean everyone) in the gymnasium applauding for me to good ole Rudy’s Barbeque with the family. This day also marked the future. As the immortal words were said in Gladiator, “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” I made a fateful decision less than two years ago to change my major. It’s a big decision. And I’m gonna continue to pursue it.

September 26, 2009: The LSAT. Let me be clear about one thing for you before you finish reading this blog. I HATE THE FREAKING LSAT!! I have never faced so many feelings of inadequacy (which is really disheartening for men), of loneliness, of despair than this damnable test designed to mock the God-given intellectual powers given to man. On the flip side, I did way better than I expected. Looks like the practice exams were harder than the one I took.

November 6-7, 2009: My grandmother died. The John Jay Institute declined my application. And I got drunk for the first time in my life. Note to self: Don’t have any more than five servings of alcohol. Six is pushing it. And seven is the perfect number. Eight is an abundance and nine will get you drunk. Too bad it came without warning though.

And the various days in between: the nice days were the ones where friends came by to visit, either unintentionally or with intent, it’s always nice to welcome them to my humble abode. So if I got to see you in Austin or in Houston, it was great hanging out with you. The occasional surprise instant message from someone I rarely talk to or a friend long forgotten. AMS, KL, RCY, JAMM, WW and W, along with hanging out with MR and JJK and JN, y’all are in my prayers, always. The phone calls from various people around the country reminds me of Christ and his love. All the aforementioned are agents of Christ, they pass the love given to them and continually sanctify the world with it. I duly admire you and consider my life a better one because of your love for me. Fight the good fight, finish the course, and keep the faith.
I am yours always, God is my Judge.

The Proclamation of the Birth of Christ

2009-12-25T00:01:00.003-06:00

Today, the twenty–fifth day of December,
unknown ages from the time when God created the heavens and the earth and then formed man and woman in his own image.

Several thousand years after the flood,
when God made the rainbow shine forth as a sign of the covenant.

Twenty–one centuries from the time of Abraham and Sarah;
thirteen centuries after Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt.

Eleven hundred years from the time of Ruth and the Judges;
one thousand years from the anointing of David as king;
in the sixty–fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel.

In the one hundred and ninety–fourth Olympiad;
the seven hundred and fifty–second year from the foundation of the city of Rome.

The forty–second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus;
the whole world being at peace,

Jesus Christ, eternal God and Son of the eternal Father,
desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming,
being conceived by the Holy Spirit,
and nine months having passed since his conception,
was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary.

Today is the nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ according to the flesh.

Dream I Had: Life

2009-12-24T09:01:00.003-06:00

The march of time has been wearing me out lately. Some days I go to work, get home and just fall on to bed and sleep till the next shift. Other days I think, when is this cycle of work gonna end? Life is hard, no kidding about that. What makes it worth living? How can we go on each day with new hardships and ones unresolved and still have hope?

Last night/this morning I had a really cool dream. Set: at home, in the future.

My wife and I were at home. We just got home from the hospital. We just got quadruplets! It's so great. She wanted to give the newborns a bath, and the only thing I ever remember of bathing infants was in the sink, and that's what I did. I went to the sink and turned on the hot water mixed with cool water. At this point, I really had no idea what I was doing. I was so nervous about the prospect of being a father and taking care of my kids and to the point I'm supposed to do so. So when I got the first one in the tub, (it's a boy, btw!! and i'm already thinking of names.. mm, how bout Thomas or Augustine? Ambrose or Athanasius would be nice too), I kept asking him, is the water warm enough? Are you ok? good?

He looked at me. At some level, even though he didn't say anything, I understood him. "Dad, you asked me that like 10 times alreadyyy...!"

All the washing and caring for him, putting on baby powder on him and putting the diaper on. It was so fun. The wife, well, I guess she didn't think it was as amusing as I did. I hope I would love to wake and jump at the moment's notice at night when the kids cry for milk. It's a good life.

Dreams.. What are my dreams? What do I want? Who do I want to be? I want to have a wife and kids. I want to be a good father. I want to challenge, impact others for Christ and His Holy Church. I want to teach a whole generation of young minds to rise as the greatest generation again.

Although these things are good, and they are good of themselves, they can never truly satisfy my heart. Only with the Good can these things be really good. I may have lost you there. Without God, none of these things can be enjoyed. Without the Source of Good, what good is there?

What's on my wishlist this Christmas? Only Yourself, Lord. I don't want just love, or grace or peace. I want Love, Grace and Peace. I want the Prince of Peace to reside in my heart, my body, my life. I want to know You, for You to live in me, and I to live in You. I want my body to be a Temple for Your Body. I want to carry You and Your Light into the dark places of this world. My heart longs for You, the Desire of Nations. This Christmas, let's draw nearer to Christ. Let's take up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord.

What are your dreams? What are your hopes? What do YOU want to do? And what's on your wishlist for Christmas?

O Emmanuel

2009-12-23T12:00:00.000-06:00

O Emmanuel, our king and our lawgiver,
the hope of the nations and their Saviour:
Come and save us, O Lord our God.

O King of the Nations

2009-12-22T12:00:00.001-06:00

O King of the nations, and their desire,
the cornerstone making both one:
Come and save the human race,
which you fashioned from clay.

O Rising Sun

2009-12-21T12:00:00.000-06:00

O Rising Sun, splendour of light eternal and sun of righteousness:
Come and enlighten those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.

O Key of David

2009-12-20T12:00:00.000-06:00

O Key of David and scepter of the House of Israel
you open and no one shuts
you shut and no one opens
Come and lead forth from his prison the captive
sitting in darkness and in the shadow of death.

O Root of Jesse

2009-12-19T12:00:00.001-06:00

O Root of Jesse, standing as a sign among the peoples;
before you kings will shut their mouths,
to you the nations will make their prayer:
Come and deliver us, and delay no longer.

O Adonai

2009-12-18T12:00:00.005-06:00

O Adonai, and Leader of the house of Israel,
you appeared to Moses in the flame of the burning bush
and gave him the law on Sinai:
come, and with an outstretched arm, redeem us.

O Wisdom

2009-12-17T23:54:00.003-06:00

O Wisdom, coming forth from the mouth of the Most High,
reaching from one end to the other mightily,
and sweetly ordering all things:
Come and teach us the way of prudence.

Questions burning inside of me.

2009-12-14T03:54:00.001-06:00

What does the ideal father-son relationship look like? What makes a family a family? In what ways love is made known silently?

How does Jesus pour his grace into his followers? In what ways? Are there ways in which grace is more readily available?

Is there a way to worship God? Are there more than one way? Are all ways equally the same in value or are they different? If they are different, what is the best way to worship God?

What came first, the Gospel or the Bible? Do we get Gospel from the Bible or do we get the main points first, with scripture written to deal with particular specific problems? If the first one, who has the final say to interpret the Scriptures to give the final interpretation on the Gospel? And what does a person do if he disagrees with the given interpretation? If the latter, how is the rest of church doctrine passed down and where did that church doctrine come from? Are they traditions of men or were they too divinely inspired?

The first commandment says "Thou shalt not make a graven image." Does taking pictures count? How about video recording?

You don't have to agree with everything Luther said to be a Lutheran, nor agree with everything Thomas Aquinas said to be a Thomist, nor Calvin for Calvinists, nor Augustine for Augustinians, etc. Do you have agree with everything Christ says to be a Christian?

Do you pray? If so, do you pray for most of your friends? And when you're old, and most of your friends are dead, do you still pray for most of your friends?

For the Mother of my Mother.

2009-11-26T23:51:00.004-06:00

Christ, the Sun of Righteousness, shine upon me, and lift up my face. Illumine my mind and heart, that I may see the wonderful gifts you have given me. These dark days steal the joy which you have shown me. Teach me to number my days, that I may present to you a heart of wisdom. Show me O Lord, the way of thanksgiving and fasting, that I may humble myself before thy mighty hand.

Dear great mother,

Listen now to my words, I plead with you now. Though you are gone now, no voice here on earth can call you back, look thee forward to the voice that called me her son. O Mother of my mother, listen to the voice of Him who gave me His mother and made me His brother. Be not afraid, dear woman, the same woman didst proclaim, "His mercy is on them that fear him, throughout all generations."

You raised me since I came to this world. You bathed me when my mother was at work. You kept me in your watch and taught me hard work. Among which you taught me was how to sow a seed, water it, tend after it and care for it. You given me the gift of hard work. Though I slept not my naps when I was young, you taught me to wash the dishes and mop the house when I was three. Though the communists took your money, you gave me these gifts. You taught me how to vacuum the house, to look after the grandest father in his wheelchair.

More importantly, you taught me to honor my father and mother. You have given me much. Dearest of grandmothers, to whom shall I go now for thy sagely wisdom?
Who will give me sound advice, especially on how to love my dear wife? How will I walk like a man in this world, when you taught me to distinguish between good and evil men, especially in the the public's sphere? Where shall I go now? Where are you going, grandmother? Will you hear the voice of Christ? Look, he gave us everything, his love, his Father, his Mother, and most importantly, his life of love.

Dear Mother, the Mother of my Saviour calls for thee. Heed her voice, for she tells you only, "Do what he tells you." Oh Mother of my Mother, I weep for thee. Death has not touched me like you have touched my heart. Daily, I still pray for thee.

Thus it so, I submit thee to intercession of my Blessed Virgin Mother,

HAIL Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Pray for us sinners,
now and the hour of our death.

To us you are a noonday torch of charity, while down below, among those still in flesh, you are the living fountainhead of hope. Have charity on my grandmother, I pray thee to ask the Son of God for his merciful love.

O Virgin Mother, Daughter of Your Son, Highest creature of Heaven, intercede for my grandmother and me. You who felt the sword pierce your heart, yet tasted not death, pray for the dead. When you saw Your son pierced for our sins, you were given the grace to bring us closer to Him, and partake in his suffering, thus partake in His divinity. And since you are the Mother of the King, so shall I pray,

HAIL, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.

Turn then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us;
and after this our exile,
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

Pray for us O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

O Glorious Mother, take now my grandmother's place, and show me the path to the Son.

O my Jesus, forgive us of our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls into heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy.

IN Nomine Patris, Filio, Spiritui Sancto. Amen

Resquiat In Pacem, meus mater. 1924-2009.

Jokes in Heaven

2009-11-23T02:10:00.001-06:00

Many years soon-after, I saw myself before the presence of God. It has been a pretty long time since I came home from Earth. One day, as I was praying for the Church militant back down on earth, who has been asking for my prayers, I thought to myself. You know, when I was down there, I had both Protestant and Catholic friends. The Catholic friends still keep in touch with me. They still ask for my intercessions. But the Protestants treat me as if I'm... dead!

So I came before the Lamb who took away the sins of the world. "Lord," I prayed, "Will you please bring the Protestants here to Heaven sooner? They haven't been talking to me lately."

The Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ the King

2009-11-23T02:03:00.001-06:00

This past Sunday was the last Sunday in Ordinary time. Next week is Advent, where we wait for the first coming of our Lord, and celebrate Christmas soon-after.

I really liked the prayer before the Consecration today when we celebrated the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ the King. Allow me to share it with you.

Preface of Christ the King:
Father, all-powerful and ever-living God, we do well always and everywhere to give you thanks.
You anointed Jesus Christ, your only Son, with the oil of gladness, as the eternal priest and universal king.
As priest he offered his life on the altar of the cross and redeemed the human race by this one perfect sacrifice of peace.
As king he claims dominion over all creation, that he may present to you, his almight Father, an eternal and universal kingdom:
a kingdom of truth and life,
a kingdom of holiness and grace,
a kingdom of justice, love, and peace.

And so, with all the choirs of angels in heaven we proclaim your glory and join them in their unending hymn of praise:
Holy, Holy, Holy Lord. God of power and might. Heaven and earth are full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest.

Job 3:1

2009-11-12T03:03:00.000-06:00

I've been pretty depressed lately. Actually, I've never felt so bad in my life than right now. Please pray for me. I don't mind you checking up on me either by the way. *hint hint*

Where briars grow, unwary sheep,
Befogged by hungry need,
Entangle fleece in thickets where
We only thought to feed.
The Shepherd comes to set us free
From snares of piercing thorn.
Released, we are made whole, but look-
The Shepherd's hands are torn.

On every bare and rocky height,
His sheep in safety graze.
God shelters us from wind and rain
And from the sun's bright blaze.
The Shepherd pastures us in peace,
To living waters leads.
All hurts now healed, we are at rest-
But see, the Shepherd bleeds.

For He has other sheep than these,
Who have not heard His voice,
But when the last are gathered in-
The heavens will rejoice:
The saints who crowd the gates of God
Stand waiting to extol
The last sheep found, for then, ah! Look -
The Shepherd is made whole!

Take me into Your arms

2009-10-07T01:38:00.003-05:00

So, I was listening to some High School Musical songs earlier today, and one of the songs I listened to was "Can I have this dance?" Well, wouldn't it be more amazing if I could dance with the Him who pursued me all my life? So I wrote this in response. St. Valentine's Day just can't get here any faster!

Take me into Your arms, O Lord, and swing me with the music of Your creation.

Pull me into Your holy dance, and drive me into the love of Your Spirit.

Touch me with Your tender mercy, and whisper with the winds of Your grace.

Draw me by the scent of the sweat upon which You bore the holy Cross so heavy,

And open my eyes to the majesty of the glory of Your Holy Trinity.

Enrapture my heart with the carpentry of the woodwork You hang upon,

And feed my body with the Bread and Wine which you so willingly given me.

I love You, Jesus. More and more each day.

True Beauty

2009-10-04T02:31:00.002-05:00

“Yet in the enjoyment of all such things we commit sin if through immoderate inclination to them—for though they are good, they are of the lowest order of good—things higher and better are forgetten, even You, O Lord our God, and Your Truth and Your Law. These lower things have their delights but not such as my God has, for He made them all: and in Him doth the righteous delight, and He is the joy of the upright of heart.”
--St. Augustine

One of the most beautiful things about sin is that it’s just so good! I mean, who can say no to all the beer in the world? Who can refuse all the pleasures this world has to offer? What Satan says in Paradise Lost rings true for almost everyone, “Evil, be thou my Good.”

Augustine saw this quite well. There is a certain show of beauty in sin. “Thus pride wears the mask of loftiness of spirit, although You alone, O God, are high above all.

“Ambition seeks honor and glory, although You alone are to be honored before all and glorious forever.

“The caresses by which the lustful seduce are a seeking for love: but nothing is more caressing than Your charity, nor is anything more healthfully loved than Your supremely lovely, supremely luminous Truth.

“Curiosity may be regarded as a desire for knowledge, whereas You supremely know all things.

“Ignorance and sheer stupidity hid under the names of simplicity and innocence: yet no being has simplicity like to Yours: and none is more innocent than You, for it is their own deeds that harm the wicked.

“Sloth pretends that it wants quietude: but what sure rest is there save the Lord?

“Enviousness claims that it strives to excel: but what can excel before You?

“Anger clamors for just vengeance, but whose vengeance is so just as Yours?

“Fear is the recoil from a new and sudden threat to something one holds dear, and a cautious regard for one’s own safety: but nothing new or sudden can happen to You, nothing can threaten Your hold upon things loved, and where is safety secure save in You?

“Grief pines at the loss of things in which desire delighted: for it wills to be like You from whom nothing can be taken away.

“Thus the soul is guilty of fornication when she turns from You and seeks from any other source what she will nowhere find pure and without taint unless she returns to You. Thus even those who go from You and stand up against You are still perversely imitating You. But by the mere fact of their imitation, they declare that You are the creator of all that is, and that there is nowhere for them to go where You are not.”

True beauty lies within the source of Beauty. “Ad fontes,” cried the Renaissance man. “To the sources,” says the Born-again man. Look, therefore, not in gifts given, but the Giver who gives us Himself. That’s why in marriage, the most beautiful thing isn’t the wedding party. It’s not even the ring! No, it’s where the Bridegroom and Bride give up themselves for each other. The image of the marriage feast is perhaps the best one to describe the relationship between God and His People. That is True Beauty.

St. Augustine of Hippo, pray for us.

*Augustine, Aurelius. Confessions. Ed. F.J. Sheed. 2nd Ed. Book Two, ch. V-VI. pgs. 30-32. Indianapolis: Hackett, 2006.

The End of this Blog

2009-10-04T02:27:00.000-05:00

Although I am interested in theology, political philosophy, and law, let me make some things clear here: As a departure from my previous blogs, this is will not be a political blog. I’m quite sure you can find plenty good ones out there that cater to your tastes.

Neither will this blog be on apologetics. I think there are plenty of great sites, and even greater books out there that make arguments better than I can ever dream of.

The purpose of this blog, isn’t clear to me yet. But let me sketch it along these lines to show you what my intentions are.

If this blog helps you come closer to God of the universe, then I have succeeded. But I don’t think that’s clear enough either. Anyone could read this and say they feel closer to “God.” For example, a Pantheist would agree with the statement “God exist” just as much as a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist, etc. would agree. “Of course I believe Jesus is God. I’m God. And so are you. The keyboard upon which you type is God.” I’m sure you get what I mean.

No, if this blog helps you conform into the image of Jesus the Christ, the New Adam, the image of the invisible God, revealed to us by His Incarnation, and passed down on to us through the Holy Scripture and Sacred Traditions of the Apostles by the Church Universal, then I have succeeded beyond imagination. So that’s what this blog is about. It’s about getting a face, becoming real, taking off your mask.

So let’s dive into it shall we? Instead of playing around in the wading pool and talking about trivial stuff, let’s really jump in. Let’s be fools and rush in where angel fear to tread, shall we? And if nothing comes out of this search, at least we know we weren’t living a lie and actually did something to find out whether or not we are living in the Matrix.

Still alive, barely.

2009-09-14T02:16:00.002-05:00

I got a job!!! I'm working part-time at Barnes and Noble Booksellers and trying to study full-time on the LSAT. Sir Thomas More, if you're reading this, please talk to the big man upstairs for me. ;)

This song causes tears to flow down my face every time I listen to it. It's a good summary of the Faith. After listening to it so many times, I pretty much memorized most of it in Latin by now.

Here's the text.

St. Thomas More, pray for us.
St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us.
Lord Jesus, Son of God and Son of Mary, pray for us.

What is Church?

2009-09-02T15:37:00.002-05:00

Ryan Yep poses an interesting question over at his site.

Praying in Tongues

2009-08-29T04:59:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, my family always had evening prayers together. My spiritual life grew up like this. So as my turn came around to pray, I would begin like this.

"Dear Lord,

"Thank you for keeping Mom and Dad safe today. Thank you for keeping me safe today. Please give us a good night sleep tonight. Please make Grandma believe in you. Please make me grow taller."

Sometimes, my mom would suggest out some lines. And they weren't just suggestions. You'd actually have to pray them.

"Please don't let me be lazy."

"Please make me love my sisters more."

"Please take away my angry attitude."

Growing up on that. I then started to perceive her suggestions more as criticisms. And I suppose this is how we converse with each other.

"Lord, please don't let so-and-so be such a jerk."

But as I grew in years, my prayers still remained the same. Full of petitions and nothing else. Perhaps a bit of confession of sins here and there. But they were only a general confession rather than ones of specific measure.

After every one was finished, we would pray the Lord's prayer, and sing Hallelujah, thine be the glory.

Except... all of this was in Vietnamese. Now, I never learned how to read or write properly in Vietnamese until last year. Nor were my everyday conversations in Vietnamese, (except my prayers were). English was the rule. And as my vocabulary increased in English, it decreased in Vietnamese.

It wasn't until after entering college when I started to pray in English. Two reasons: 1. I didn't have to pray in Vietnamese since I was living away from my parents. 2. I had to pray in English so that my friends could understand what I was saying when I prayed with them.

Guess what happened? My prayer life exploded! I was able to begin expressing stuff that I always wanted to say but never found the right words to in Vietnamese to say so. I could begin expressing theological truths, talking about the Cross, communicating my hurts and joys to God.

Only after I came back from college to home did I noticed the difference. Evening prayers continued in Vietnamese. What the heck am I supposed to say? Thank you for teaching me to pray in English?

But the vertical divide on prayer and language is one thing. I realized then I can't communicate to my parents what God has been doing in my life while I was away either. But that's another story. Perhaps another day.

St. Cyril and St. Methodius, pray for us.
St. Jerome, pray for us.

Walking with Her

2009-08-21T01:15:00.003-05:00

15th of September 2008, Monday

After talking with the Professor about some questions regarding his schedule and when we could meet up, I mentioned to him, with a smile, "Oh yea, I met a girl last week on Friday."

He looked at me, "Well, I can see that this is someone special, otherwise you wouldn't have tell me of the news."

Professor Budziszewski and I had a pretty close relationship. It was the beginning of the fourth year since I've met him in my freshman year. This year, I was preparing to enter into full communion with the Catholic Church, and he was my sponsor.

Taking his response as a cue to go on with my story, I told him of my reflections after meeting her. KC is a cute girl in my Vietnamese class. She got my attention the first day of class. It was her hair, mind you. Beautiful, long, soft and light tendrils that flowed from her face of glory. The instructor had us go around introducing ourselves. When it got to her turn, she introduced herself by her Vietnamese name, KC. Since then, everyone else knows her by her English name.

So I told the Professor, "After class ended, I left and walked down the sidewalk on Speedway and towards Inner Campus Drive where my class was. Sensing her behind me, I turned around and saw her. She smiled and I said hi. My heart leapt!

I asked her if her name was KC.

She replied, "You remember?! I never use that name." She goes by Lindsay in class and only introduced herself by that name on the first day of class.

I tried playing it off by saying, "Oh. I just know a girl who looks like you with that name in Houston."

She said, "You're from Houston then?"

"Yea," I replied.

"What year are you then? Freshman?" she quizzed me, "Sophomore?"

I raised four fingers, "Senior."

Surprised, she exclaimed, "But you look so young!"

I tried a half-hearted defense, "Well, I'm Vietnamese" with an apologetic smile.

"What's your major?" she asked. This was starting to feel like 20 Questions, but I was loving every moment of it.

"Government," I replied, "Well, I gotta go this way now. It was nice meeting you!" And with that she waved and smiled good-bye.

"Her smile is probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I told the Professor, "Something that hits me inside and makes me lose my sanity and rational will, but at the same time, can't help but put a smile on my face because I know for one second that smile of joy on her face was mine, and it brings me joy knowing I was the cause of it."

I added, "I suppose that's how it works with God too. When you do His will, it brings a smile to His Face, and it's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see, and it will bring you joy, knowing that you've brought Him joy."

The Professor smiled. He asked, "Does she has a boyfriend?"

I hung my head, "Yea. She does."

"You may just luck out then," he laughed, "Have you read Dante's Divine Comedy? He talks about his beloved Beatrice. A lot of times when people fall in love, they see a glow around their beloved. Yes, it's true that there is a glow that the lovers are lost in, but for Dante, the glow he sees in Beatrice is because it is the light of God reflecting on her."

I was speechless. I just sat there, only nodding because it rang true for me. Her smile. Her hair. Her voice. I could die that moment already a happy man because in the most limited way, I saw God that day.

My Point Exactly!

2009-08-19T19:51:00.002-05:00

Why Facebook is evil!

Dream I Had: The Gospel of Beer

2009-08-19T17:49:00.007-05:00

Note: Names have been changed to protect identity.

I just had this dream, literally. It was scary enough to wake me up and make me write this at once, lest I forget it.

On the eve of Peter's birthday, a couple of my drinking buddies and I were out by the Drag. We had a couple beers with us. Before you think that I was leading a life of debauchery, I was actually praying the Rosary in the background, silently meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries of Christ. It was a Friday. I remembered I forgot a book to carry with me. So I went back to the apartment in West Campus to get Purgatorio by Dante, the second book in the Divine Comedy.

After I came back, I took out my beer to toast and cheer. My friend Peter looked at me. He smiled. I nudged him, come on man, where's your beer? He took out his bottle. It was empty. At that point, a snake rose in me. I wanted to strike him. He still held his beer out to cheer; I just sank to the ground on my knees, and the beer in my hand emptied itself into the storm drain.

The point of drinking beer isn't just to drink. The point of drinking is because you have someone else to drink it with. As we taste the bitterness of the cup, we share each others' sorrows. As we drink to our health, we shoulder each others' burdens. What a sad world this would be if there was no one to drink with. One of loneliness and despair.

Thankfully, there is One who has drank this cup, and He offers it to us. Let us take hold the cup of salvation. Let us share in the cup He gives us. He asks each and every one of us, "Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?" Our salvation consists of nothing less of dying to ourselves and being raised to walk in new life: the life of Christ. One might say it means being born again. For this is the way of the world: to share in the cup of suffering and to carry His Cross. I suppose the dream wasn't so bad if it led me to this new insight.

For Christ and His Church

E-mail to an Old Friend

2009-08-19T15:38:00.001-05:00

August 17, 2009

Dear Sir,

I hope you're doing well! For the past two weeks and a half I was in Austin moving out of my apartment. I am now at home in Houston with my parents. While I was in Austin, I attended daily Mass everyday. It was amazing. I tried to go everyday while I was in Austin during the school year, but during the summer when I was home in Houston, I haven't been able to since I don't have a car.

I remember talking to you on the phone and you mentioned something about the Mass being central to one's life, the sine qua non. Well, last Saturday was the first time since I came back to Austin that I wasn't able to attend the Holy Mass. By the end of the day, I wasn't feeling that great. There seemed to be something missing. I then figured it out. I can't live apart from God. Not even one day!

Besides this discovery, last Wednesday, something really cool happened! Before daily Mass, as I was praying, I started to pray in Latin! It wasn't something alien to me, nor did it feel any different. As I was in prayer, Psalm 51, Miserere Mei, started to flow from my lips. I started to memorize this psalm since I heard the Latin chant during Lent. At that point, I knew that these were the very exact words I wanted to express to God. The sanctified words of the Holy Spirit given to me to offer back up to God the Father. It wasn't a charismatic gift or an outpouring the Holy Spirit upon me, but at the same time, I knew that the Holy Spirit was at work. I suppose in that sense, praying the psalms versus praying in tongues aren't so different.

This journey is so amazing! It rocks! I can't believe I've been missing out on the sacramental life for so long!

Peace be with you!

Daniel Bui

Dear Daniel,

God is so good. Amazing in the way we thirst for Him alone even when we don't feel thirsty. To have received the grace of the importance of the Mass is wonderful and much to be thanked for ... now learn the Te Deum! (in Latin!) if you have time and inclination.

Penetrate the Mass -- more and more --- forever. You cannot go wrong and it is the Way to the Father.

Now when you get the chance do your prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament ... and in front of the Blessed Sacrment exposed is a truly wonderful gift. Pray for a car! Then whole worlds open up for you! St Nicholas is the patron of gifts ! And this one is for Our Lord's sake! (Or a motor bike!).

Cheers and blessings.
And thanks for the news,
And asking for your prayers.

Yours.

Worship Wars

2009-08-19T14:43:00.001-05:00

Chuck Colson, a commentator on various topics, talked about good and bad worship music the other day. I think his arguments are pretty much in line with mine as well.

What makes worship music good or bad? I’ll tell you this—it’s more than simply a matter of taste. Find out why.

Pray without ceasing

2009-08-19T03:18:00.001-05:00

This is a poem I wrote when I came back to Austin to move out of my apartment. Couldn't sleep that morning. So these words came out. After writing them, (it was about 5:30 in the morning) I went to the Mass at 6:30am at St. Mary's Cathedral.

Before the sun rises and it is dawn,
Before the moon sets and it is gone,
I will seek thee before thy mighty throne
and worship thy face, even if alone.

As the morning bird calls and lark answers,
And as the flowers bloom with morning dew,
So my soul rise to thee, lose its cancer.
Then shall I assume, I no longer doomed.

Rejoicing God thus, fly to heav'n shall we.
At the noon's day call, Satan's kingdom fall.
The Dragon defeat'd and justice meted.
Praising we him still, for this is most real!

Eternal rest, at day's end, do we pray.
Eternal Guest, come Jesus, we still say.
Be our Light, Lord and Master, move the wheels
of our hearts, with thy love, and lead us still.